Sometimes there is nothing you want more in the world than your mommy.
This is one of those times.
I’m irritable, I’m stressed, I’m exhausted, I’m not very pleasant, and all I want is for my mommy to tell me that it’s going to be okay.
Now, to be fair, my mom is not the type of mother to do that. Her version of “it’s going to be okay,” sounds more like, “Kassandra, you need to get your shit together.” But even that is comforting in a strange way.
I keep trying to explain to people how I’m feeling lately, and this is the best I can come up with:
I feel like I’m wearing a really ugly coat that I can’t take off because it’s absolutely freezing outside. Except that I’m not outside. I’m inside. I can tell that the coat is the appropriate choice for the weather outside, and rationally I know that I will be pleased to have the coat in the event that I have to go outside. But the other part of me is slouching in a huge coat that is awful and horrid and I’m starting to get hot inside of it and I feel panicky because it’s starting to make me feel like I can’t get out, but at the same time, I just keep wearing it because I might need it someday!
I’m not sure what emotion that metaphor is representing, but it’s one of the many things inside of me right now.
Apart from wanting my mommy and wearing metaphorical coats, I’ve been destroying my hands, lately. It’s something I used to do when I was younger. I would bite my nails until they bled and today I realized that I had hurt my hands so badly that I winced every time I had to put them in my pocket.
I am a perpetual nine year old.
OH. I finished my re-read of The Hunger Games series, today. I still don’t hate Mockingjay like everyone else seems to. I will say, I think the main problem with it, is that Katniss literally blacks out at the end of EVERY chapter. And like, yeah, maybe it’s a good transition once or twice, but after that it’s like… the world is fuzzy, again?! Anyway.
If I’m being honest with you, I haven’t slept in about 36 hours, so I’m going to go sleep. Sorry this blog was shit. I’ll be better tomorrow. <3
Hours I’ve worked: 2
Live performances I’ve seen: 0
Live performances I’ve seen: 0
Quote of the day: “I may not save the universe, but to me you’re first.” -Have a Good Life Rose, Lizzie Russo
The description of how you're feeling is just...I love it. It made me feel things. And that's a far as I can express myself on this (I know, lame), but it's true.
ReplyDeleteI want to wish you well, but I think for right now that might just mean feeling what you're feeling (though a bit of laundry would be good too :p).
*hugs*
Take care